I’m a sucker for love. I am a hopeless romantic. I love Love. I enjoy being in love, and I like to watch others be in love. Love is grand isn’t it? Do you know what else I love? Yes, you guessed it. Weddings. I. Absolutely. Love. Weddings. Weddings are grand aren’t they? I get teary-eyed at weddings. I get teary-eyed watching romance movies. The Notebook, Romeo and Juliet (the Leonardo DiCaprio version), Love Jones, and Brown Sugar are just a few of the numerous romance movies I can watch over and over again. I even mist around the eye area when watching My Fair Wedding with David Tutera. David is my best-friend in my head. I take it you pretty much get the point.
The prospect of me walking down the aisle anytime soon looks about as dim and grim as the Chicago Bears winning the Superbowl in this lifetime. Ouch. I can say that because I’m a Chicagoan. Moving on. Do I want to walk down the aisle? Yes. Do I want to walk down the aisle soon? Absolutely. Well then what’s the problem you ask? I’ll tell you what the problem is. The problem is I haven’t any peanut butter. You heard me correctly. No peanut butter. You can’t make a peanut butter and jelly sandwich without the peanut butter right? Well okay then, that’s my problem. I’m the jelly, but I need my peanut butter. I cannot be married without it. No one can.
I need the dress, the hair and makeup, the flowers, the people, the party, and the happiness that surrounds the big day. Now I know some of you may believe that those things are superficial and that is not what the day is supposed to be about. Blah, blah, skippity, doo dah. I know that okay. I know very well what that day is really about. I am not 7. But what I am is 7 years away from being 2 years away from being 40. You do the math. So with that being said, I want my wedding while I still look as good as I like to think I look for my age. Because point-blank period, some folks look exactly their age or older. So if I can be married at my age now, and can still pass for someone 5-7 years younger, then for diamonds-sake that is what I want. Let me have my superficial day okay.
So if things don’t pan out for me over the next couple of years, I’ve resolved to go to a bridal salon and try on wedding dresses, so that I can at least get to experience what it feels like to have one on. Don’t look at me like that. I am dead serious. Dead. I’ve already made the three people who I plan to take with me aware of this so that they won’t look at me crazy like you did just now. Judge me not okay. Well how are you gonna do that without even being engaged you ask? Humph. I have that figured out too my pretties. *insert sinister laugh here* I plan to go to Kohl’s and purchase one of those rings that are always sitting on table in the middle of the aisle-way. If you’ve been to Kohl’s you know exactly what I’m talking about. I’ll spend about 20 bucks for the sole purpose of being able to try on a wedding gown. The bridal consultant’s job is not to judge the cut, color, clarity and carat weight of the customer’s ring. She is there to help me find the dress of my dreams. I suspect the consultant won’t suspect a thing.
I will, I repeat: I Will Wear A Wedding Dress. I just hope that I’ll be able to wear one down the aisle one day and not just on the day I scheme to get into one. Oh yes, I still plan to scheme. Until then I’ll continue to watch David Tutera, and all the other real life couples be married off while I sit idly by saying: O Peanut butter, O Peanut butter, wherefore art thou Peanut butter?
SN: I’d look fab in either of these dresses.
Love all around,